(Obligatory disclaimer)-- The views expressed in this week's opinion café do not represent the opinions of the State Press Magazine staff, the State Press, its staff, editorial board or reporters, or ASU student media in general. This represents only the opinions of a slightly sick and twisted spm editor, who, in the spirit of the overwhelming amount sick and twisted material in this week's issue, is expressing her beliefs on a certain topic. Please do not read the following if you are easily offended by content of a sexual nature.
Headline Ladies, treat yourselves to a little Valentine's day bliss
By Jessica Wolf
State Press Magazine
Happy impending Valentine's Day.
For those of you out there without a Valentine, you can draw on some helpful advice -- an old proverb handed down through the ages, or maybe it's a line from a country song. Same difference.
"If you can't be with the one you love -- love the one you're with." Hmmmm...let's take that a little bit further shall we? After all we're all adults here, right?
If you can't make love to the one you love, then make love to the one you're with.
What's that? You're by yourself you say?
Exactly my point. I think more people should make love to themselves more often. And by people, of course I mean women. I don't think enough women do it, and the ones who do do it, don't admit it often enough.
Let's explore the reasoning behind these two interesting aspects of female self-gratification.
First of all, I think most women hesitate to do it because they are confused. They aren't really sure exactly what to do and/or how to do it. After all, the very biological nature of female genitalia is secretive, hidden. So are the keys to our erotic pleasure sometimes. It's easy for men to know what to do. It's pretty obvious in fact...your basic point-and-shoot methodology.
For us, it's a little bit trickier. But I honestly believe that figuring out what works for you on a very personal, intimate, one-on-self level is one of the best things a woman can do for her sexuality.
Think of it as an investment in future orgasms.
I have a few tips....as usual. In order of importance:
#1 Variety -- You have to try all different positions and motions, explore different areas. Remember, there are different strokes for different folks. And put some muscle into it (don't be afraid to get your hands dirty so to speak.) Oh yeah, and you don't have to be on your back.....give the stomach position a try, you'll see what I mean. (Some of you probably already know).
#2 Toys -- Personally, I find them fun, but not all that necessary. But then I've been indulging since I was about 10 years old so I had to learn without them. (It's really not the kind of thing you can ask for in your Christmas stocking.)
Lately, I've been thinking about combinations. There are toys that are attached to a belt, while the vibrating part lands on a certain frontal area....you can couple this with an... ahem, more traditional apparatus--if you know what I mean. Throw in some vibrating beads in the "other region" (it is VERY important not to avoid or ignore the "other region," trust me --but this is better as a couples thing, so I'll just leave that alone for now) and you're on your way!
My best advice on toys though, is, unless you are really comfortable with your boyfriend or significant other-- go by yourself to buy them at first. There is a whole intimidation factor due to the sheer numbers and variety of toys out there. When you're alone you'll probably be more likely go on pure instinct. You'll see something that makes you go, "oohhh" and won't have to worry about anyone evaluating your selection. (The store workers don't care.)
#3 Use Your Brain -- Whatever is going on with your hands and your toys will be enhanced by what is going on in your head. Visualize scenes from movies, past sexual experiences, future fantasies.....and most importantly, don't hold back -- get graphic. Also, think about making love to yourself all the time --while you're working, watching TV, taking a bath, driving in your car, typing a column......... (oops!) The more you think about it, the more you'll do it and the better you'll get at it.
#4 Watch Porn--You can get ideas from the women on these sometimes....You'll have to develop a personal taste in porn, so watch a lot of different kinds and don't be afraid to shut it off if it's not doing anything for you. But also remember, these women have to worry about getting themselves going and making room for, or maneuvering to accommodate, the camera at the same time. They might not be getting as much out of that particular position or technique as they are pretending to be, so don't worry if you try it too and can't get off on it.
Above all, don't ever assume you're doing it wrong --there is no wrong. And it's the safest sex you'll ever have.
So much for my helpful tips. Now, I'm willing to bet that many women reading this already know these things or can relate in some way, or have even better tips of their own. Raise one hand if you're with me my sisters! (Hopefully your other one is occupied by now.)
But I'm also willing to bet that some of those same women are thinking, "I would never sit down and write a column telling 40,000 people that I masturbate." (You had to know I would use the actual word sooner or later -- think of it as a reward for making it this far.)
Why does it have to be such a secret? Why can't we just admit that we do it? It seems like women can't even admit it to each other sometimes. Is it a societal thing? Is it really that taboo? I don't think so.
You know what got me going on this? That dammed FUZUOKO infomercial that's on late at night. You know, the "back massager" that slips conveniently over the tip of your index finger and vibrates. Come on. We all know what that thing is for. Look at the designs on the tip. That piddly thing wouldn't make a dent in any back pain......but positioned a little bit lower......
That's what I'd like to see on that stupid commercial. Instead of women rolling their eyes in ecstasy as they rub this tiny contraption all over their shoulders, back and face, I'd like to see the same expression while their hand disappears somewhere below the TV screen. Now that's gonna sell some FUZUOKOs.
That reminds me....mine should be here in four to six weeks.
Happy Valentine's Day.
spm editor, a.k.a freak of the week, jessica wolf, can be reached via e-mail at jessica.wolf@asu.edu or by phone at 480/965-1695.