It's a sickness that began 10 years ago in the far reaches of the Orient. Bright and bubbly characters in a video game captured the youth of Japan. Ear-splitting voices brought the masses to their knees ... for more.
But we were safe -- for a while.
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Hendersoncolumnist |
However, these foreign "pocket monsters" have ripped, torn and pikachu-ed their way into American homes. And now there is no hope. We are doomed. Doomed to see happy, hyper, squeaky toys ricocheting around in our TVs, in the movie theaters, and yes, even in the palms of our hands.
Pokémon are everywhere, and there is no sign of their popularity cresting. According to a recent USA Today article, the "hand-held game and its software could account for about one-fifth of U.S. video game sales this year." Nintendo reports that Pokémon accounts for 45 percent of Game Boy games sold this year. Sales are so successful, they could hit $7.5 billion. But that's just in the realm of video games. The Pokémon movie is estimated to reach $7.4 billion, at least, according to Dan Marks of ACNielsen EDI.
Why? Is the question I must ask.
Why the popularity?
With names like Bulbasaur, Squirtle, Jigglypuff and Poliwhirl, you'd think all associations with these caffeine-stoked characters would be avoided. But no. It seems America has officially deemed the quality of being spastically hyper as a positive trait. High-pitched squeaks are now in vogue, and "pikachu" is the one word that can unite us all.
But the explosion of Pokémon exposure has not come without a rebellion. There are many who would gladly sup upon roast Pikachu at tomorrow's Thanksgiving meal. And one never knows; it just might happen. Anything is possible -- at least on the Internet.
As the golden sun rises above the horizon and young ones stretch out their arms and yawn, a Pokémon character is mercilessly obliterated at MustBeDestroyed.com. "Demand is piling up," Threshold CEO Larry Kasanoff noted. "We're like the French revolution hiring executioners, we just can't get enough."
Launched over a week ago, the new game allows those overwrought with Pokémon to release their emotions and do away with the pint-sized creatures -- in unspeakable ways.
Just what the doctor ordered, it appears.
An MSNBC article reports that so far, "the most popular choices for mode of death are incineration and being sawed in half by a chainsaw." And plans for "death by rottweiler" is an anxiously awaited attraction.
Kasanoff terms the game "a public service" for adults who find the high-strung characters annoying. But when Threshold.com's mostly male audience was asked what they would most enjoy seeing destroyed, Kasanoff admitted to being surprised by the outpouring of requests to "off" the pint-sized terrors of glass producers everywhere.
"Guys like to watch things being blown up and destroyed," Kasanoff said. "We figured someone would want us to blow up Mt. Rushmore or maybe Barbara Streisand, but the overwhelming result was Pokémon."
And Kasanoff's site isn't the only one taking stock in torturing the little, cartoon crumbs. Anti-Pokémon Web sites have flourished upon the growing annoyance most people over 18 harbor for the creatures.
Anti-Pokémon Quest features several gory animations involving not only Pikachu, the most widely known Pokémon, but other members of his insidious clan as well. One clip explores the dangers of a meandering Pikachu and a displaced knife. Another, the hazards of bouncing a serrated Pokéball.
However, many of the Anti-Pokémon Web sites seem to have been mysteriously displaced.
The Pukémon Page? Gone.
Pikachu on a Stick? No such luck.
The only clue to their disappearance was a letter from Nintendo of America addressing the renowned "Professor Pot" on his Pokéman Web site. Nintendo claimed Professor Pot's "use of copyrighted Pokémon® material and trademarks [caused] dilution and tarnishment of the distinctive qualities of Nintendo trademarks, copyrights and overall reputation." They demanded his site "remove all material related to Pokémon®."
Professor Pot has since gone into seclusion, plotting his revenge.
But while the 150 plus Japanese creatures continue to plague the sane, I am glad for their appearance on one account. Thanksgiving's almost here, and I'll have a lot of hungry family coming. I'd better get cracking if I'm "gonna' catch 'em all."
Tarah Henderson is a junior studying journalism and German and can be reached at stickyorbs@hotmail.com.
