
	“I’m at School, My Friend and My Loved One is at War” ASU students, like the members of previous war-time generations, may be experiencing intense feelings in response in response to the war. You may be feeling anxiety, fear, hope, shame, pride, anger, loss of control, outrage, disillusionment, grief, lack of safety, concern for others, and powerlessness. These feelings are normal responses to an acutely troubling situation, but over time intense feelings may result in physical and mental strain. You may feel generally fatigued and be having difficulty concentrating, sleeping, and eating normally. Many people may find themselves crying or getting angry more easily. In fact, you may direct irritation or aggression at people or things that usually would not bother you. It is important to think about how you can best cope with the deployment and possible combat involvement of friends and loved ones. Stressful times require us to be easier on ourselves when we may behave differently than we prefer. It is important to take care of yourself and to attempt to continue to meet your commitments to school, work, and relationships. Some students may mistakenly conclude that, given the risks being faced by their friends and loved ones in the military, their own personal needs and academic pursuits are insignificant. This is not true. Recognize what you can and cannot control. We may not have much control over the war activities, but we can control many things in our daily lives. People have many ways of coping with stress, some of which are more effective than others. Some effective ways of coping with war related emotions are: Take it day by day. Stick to the academic, work, and social schedules that give structure to your daily life. There is comfort in routines. Try to eat well and get enough rest. Exercise regularly. Avoid excesses in alcohol and other drugs. Limit your exposure to the emotionally draining impact of television war coverage. The demands of the twenty-four-hour-a-day news cycle and constant “breaking news” can become overwhelming. Ask yourself is it really going to benefit you to watch the footage over and over again? Spend time with people that you care about and do things with them that you enjoy. Seek support and comfort from others in your community. If you are struggling, talk about your feelings and ask for support from friends and family. If things become more overwhelming, contact Counseling and Consultation to request an appointment. Some students will find it helpful to reach out and find meaningful ways to be helpful to others, especially your friends in the military. Consistent efforts to communicate with your friends who have been deployed can do wonders to raise their morale and strengthen them for the challenges that they face. In fact, some incredibly moving and courageous compositions have been written between soldiers and their friends and loved ones (if you are interested, do a Google search for the 1861 letter written by Sullivan Ballou to his wife Sarah during the American Civil War). Some suggestions for communicating with deployed friends and loved ones: The frequency is probably more important than the length of the communications. The military services will not provide you with contact information for your friends. Parents and/or spouses should have the required information. While all service members will have email accounts, it is unlikely that electronic communications will be “instant.” Due to variables such as mission activity and the availability of computers, a soldier’s response may be delayed for a week or more. Snail-mail letters and cards are still one of the least expensive and most satisfactory ways to stay in touch with military personnel. Their advantage is that they can be reread during lonely moments or at times when other forms of communication are not available. Military postal systems will be set up near units, and estimates are that delivery times will average about ten days. Letters composed on a computer can be saved and collected in a book to be presented upon your friend’s return. If you are sending a package, check out the United States Postal Service website (www.usps.com) for information about what can and cannot be shipped to various locations. Send photos, silly toys, newly released CDs, and interesting home newspaper and campus articles. Make sure any food items are not perishable. Because of the high cost of calling home, phone cards are an especially welcomed and valued gift to include in letters and packages. Your friends and loved ones may not be able to share much information about their location or mission. At the same time, they may talk passionately about their unit and their desire to serve their country. Even if you have political views that differ from theirs, it is important to keep your communications positive, upbeat, and supportive. Humorous stories about family and/or shared friends can transcend geographical distances and help service members feel close and connected to the important people in their lives. If you decide you would like to extend your good will efforts beyond your friend, you can inquire if there is anyone in his or her unit who is not getting mail and request contact information for that person. The National Military Family Association (www.nmfa.org) can provide additional information about more general efforts to support our service men and women. Friends and Loved Ones Returning Home: In closing, while it may seem premature at this point, you should begin to contemplate and prepare for your friend’s return to the States. Friends and loved ones of military service members frequently have fantasies of what the reunion will be like, often harboring a strong desire to return to “the way we were.” However, the passage time and the experience of being deployed, not to mention the potentially life-altering impact of armed combat, can result in dramatic changes both within and between people. It is important to be willing to spend the time necessary to slowly reacquaint with one another and to reestablish the relationship on both old and new terms. FOR INFORMATION ON CAMPUS RESOURCES: Counseling For confidential counseling and consultation services for students, call 480-965-6146. After weekday office hours and on weekends, the Empact 24-hour Crisis Line (480) 921-1006) is available for helping students in crisis. Campus Safety Safety Resources for Faculty and Staff: http://www.asu.edu/vpsa/safety/ Emergency Procedures - To view general campus emergency procedures, visit the ASU DPS web site at www.asu.edu/dps/emergency/emergency.htm. * Adapted from material provided by David Onestak, Director, Eastern Illinois University and Iowa State University Student Counseling Service.