"You're surviving day by day," says Peg, a counselor for victims of domestic violence. "Your whole life is one crisis after another. If it's not, 'How am I going to pay this bill?' then it's, 'How am I going to cover up this black eye?' or 'How am I going to put food on the table tonight?' or 'Is he going to come home in a bad mood?' Domestic violence is about simple daily survival."

A mental health professional by training, Peg currently works as a Victim's Advocate for the Phoenix Police Department's Domestic Violence Unit. The victim's advocate role is new for the unit. "I don't think many cities have this type of program," she says. "In fact, we may become a model for other police departments."

Prior to joining the Police Department, Peg was a crisis team member for a private, nonprofit health agency. Speaking of her new job, she says "My role as a victim's counselor is much like working on the crisis team, but now I am also a victim's advocate. As such, detectives come to me with cases where there is a problem involving victims. For example, they might have a victim who is irate and angry at the detective because there isn't enough evidence to prosecute her case, or the detective may want to refer a victim who needs counseling and education, information on services, or other types of interventions."

Peg believes the detectives of the domestic violence unit are very supportive. "I was fearful at first that they wouldn't be open. Well they are, and they are coming to me with more and more referrals."

Peg's referrals take many forms. Mostly, she sees violence between husbands and wives or between boyfriends and girlfriends. According to Peg, however, domestic violence is much broader than its strict legal definition.

"Domestic violence encompasses anyone in the family, or any loved one," she says. "It doesn't have to be blood relative. It could be anyone you live with not necessarily a significant other. It can involve a mother and child, or a father and child. It can even involve children abusing adults.

I recently had a case where an elderly couple a husband and wife were assaulted by a relative in their home. He cut both of their throats. That's domestic violence. The husband remains in a coma and the wife is going to be okay. Physically she's fine, but she has to move on with her life. My job is to help provide the counseling and support that is needed."

Peg's broad view of domestic violence is based on her many counseling experiences. "There is no norm when it comes to domestic violence," she says. "I work with people from all socioeconomic levels and all walks of life. We also have cases where the man is the victim, but of course, most of the victims are women."

While her present workload mostly involves cases of physical abuse, a big percentage of her past workload involved emotional abuse. "Any victim will tell you that the physical abuse is scary, embarrassing, and humiliating, but the worst part is the emotional, mental, and verbal abuse. That's where it all really starts.

"And that's what I see when I look at my own past. I was once a victim of domestic violence. I can see from my own history that I was emotionally abused more than once, but didn't identify it. It's weird. When you're out of a situation and you're living a healthy life, you can go back and actually see things differently especially when you've been educated. A key point, and this is very important, is that there may be a 'victim' even when there isn't physical abuse. I try to educate my colleagues and victims about this."

Peg says that victims should watch for emotional abuse to be replaced by physical abuse as they start to become more independent. Because domestic violence is about power and control, she explains, a perpetrator may resort to physical violence in an effort to regain the control he feels he is losing. And yet while many abusers may become more physical as the situation progresses, Peg notes that control can take many forms. "I know abusers who are attorneys and use their legal knowledge as a means of control. Others use the children. Some may even call a woman's place of work and tell her boss that she smokes pot. Others use money to control the situation. For example, I am working with a woman right now from an affluent neighborhood. She lives in a $250,000 home but she called me because she has no food. Her husband is controlling her by cutting off the money, knowing she can't get financial help from the system because, technically, she is too well off to qualify for food stamps. She has started the divorce proceedings and obtained an order of protection, but in the meantime she has to eat. I have literally had to tell women how to pawn their jewelry to get food and rent money."

One of Peg's biggest frustrations has to do with orders of protection and how they are handled and enforced or not enforced. "The victim, on my advice, got an order of protection. The guy showed up at her door, so she called the police. The police came over, but the guy had disappeared. And the police didn't go out and find him because they didn't have the time.

Wait a minute! She's done everything she needs to do, but he's gone. There's no witness. Who can prove he was at her door?"

Peg is not the only one frustrated with orders of protection. She says the detectives are, too. The problem is there are so many violations and they are so difficult to prosecute because, in her words, "the evidence just isn't there."

Shrugging her shoulders, she says, "I don't know what the solution is, but I instruct my victims and clients to always carry a copy of their order of protection on them at all times, so at least they have that. I would also like to see the officers on the street have more education and training on orders of protection. There have been times where an officer has said, 'Hey lady, he just wants to see his son. I can't interfere with custodial stuff.' Well, that's not true. An order of protection means that he is not to be at that address for any reason."

Peg says that police would also benefit from more education explaining why women don't leave abusive relationships. "I think officers need to understand that these women are care givers and nurturers. The perpetrators are people they love and care about. And there may be financial or other reasons for staying. Certain cultures, like the Latino culture or many Middle Eastern cultures, have attitudes and practices that make it very difficult for women to leave."

The victims also need education regarding the police, says Peg. "The woman gets the courage to call 911 during a domestic dispute, and when an officer goes out, the abuser knows how to handle the officer and she doesn't. He is very nice and cordial Mr. Wonderful; she's the nut, the fruitcake. 'Look what she did,' he says. 'She scratched my neck!' I've just seen too many cases where the victim gets irate and defensive and argumentative with the officer, so what I try to do is educate the victim that this is not the way to treat an officer who is there to help. She has to calm down and answer the questions."

Peg sympathizes with police officers when it comes to frustration with victims. "There are times when I'm burned out, too. If there is a woman who has refused to leave her abuser, and then keeps coming back with the same old story, I get sick of it. I'm sure the officer who goes back for the repeat calls gets just as tired of it as I do. I think the laws are getting better, though. If there is sufficient evidence, the officer can write up the report and it can go forward for prosecution even without the woman's support. That is excellent. In fact, some of my clients are the angry women whom detectives refer to me for education and intervention."

Peg's work as a victim's advocate sometimes involves acting as a liaison between victims and the judicial system. "I've called prosecutors on behalf of victims who have received a letter saying their case is turned down," says Peg. "But what I do is try to encourage my victims to call for themselves. Often they just don't understand what's going on. They see themselves as being revictimized, only now the prosecutor is the perpetrator. So they're not able to communicate because they're defensive, angry, not listening, not hearing."

Peg sees the prosecutors as being cordial and very reasonable, but she notes that they are juggling heavy caseloads and are focused on making sure they have the evidence needed to successfully prosecute. "I intervene when I can," Peg says. "For example, in one case that was turned down, I said to the victim 'Did you talk to the prosecutor and tell her that your eight-year-old saw what happened?' In this case, she finally did call and the detective went back out and interviewed the child."

While Peg sees a need for more women's shelters and transitional housing, her bottom line goal is to try to educate victims to help themselves. "You cannot help them until they are ready," she observes. "But there are some really good detectives who can read between the lines to see when a women is ready for a change."

Peg believes that everyone needs training on the cycle of violence. "Family and friends need to stand up and not tolerate domestic violence in those around them. In my case they told me, 'I love you, but I will not support you or loan you money until you're ready to get some help until you're willing to get out of this situation.' These people, it turns out, were my real friends."

"Mira"
Medical Director/Psychiatrist

"One of the biggest problems we see are people men and women hiding their whole abuse situation," says Mira, medical director for a social agency specializing in treating victims of domestic violence. "They need to realize they are in a bad situation, but it is difficult for them because they want the world to see them as good people. So they think, 'I'm strong. I can take it.' But depression sets in, so instead of being strong, they become withdrawn."

Mira has vast experience dealing with the medical and psychological issues of domestic violence. She first practiced medicine as an obstetrician-gynecological specialist and family practitioner in her home country of India. "Being a gynecologist, I have seen pregnant women beaten so severely that they lose their babies," she says.

She moved to the United States 22 years ago and decided to go into psychiatry. She has been in her current position for 16 years, and has recently co-developed a program on domestic violence. "I am doing groups for victims, and seminars for people who work with them," she explains. As a psychiatrist, I provide insight into a different aspect of domestic violence. In addition, I am part of a much broader system of other specialists such as sociologists, psychologists, and behaviorists who are on staff and available to support victims."

The team approach is critical, says Mira, given the many factors involved in domestic violence situations: jealousy, lack of interpersonal communication skills, the inability to resolve conflict, and a significant change in a family such as a new baby, a relative moving in or out, or a death in the family. Drugs and alcohol also play a major role in many domestic violence situations.

"When you are taking drugs or drinking, you have no inhibitions," says Mira. "You do not control your emotions. You do not control your thinking." A myriad of other social, economic, and cultural factors can also tip the scales toward violence. And children often play a role in the dynamics of domestic violence.

"Ironically, children may be seen as competition by offenders," Mira says. She describes a recent counseling session with an offender. "The man came in because he was jealous of his four-year-old son. In his view, his son was old enough to be on his own. He saw his son as a man who could take care of himself! He was angry because, in his view, his wife should have been taking care of him. This is not unusual. Many offenders think that their children get too much attention."

Mira explains, too, that medical factors play a larger role in domestic violence situations than some might realize. "One-third of the victims of domestic violence have a psychiatric illness that has been kept under the rug. One in five patients I see has a bipolar disorder that needs to be treated with medication in order to function on a daily basis. Others may have medical problems such as an early stroke that may affect behavior. Everything from brain tumors to chronic insomnia can have an impact."

Mira defines domestic violence as any kind of aggression that occurs at home. "It can be physical, sexual, or psychological," she says. Mira also emphasizes that domestic violence can occur in any profession, any age, and any socioeconomic status. Regardless of the situation, Mira says, "the victim mentality is always the same. The victim feels that, somehow, she is to blame for what happens to her. This is especially true where a woman can't take control. Controlling a man who is an abuser, who has all the buttons to push, is not easy," she says. "He can be extremely nice and loving and caring, giving her all the money she needs, but at the same time he can control every moment of her life. So he becomes like a guard. And when one spouse becomes a guard, the family unit doesn't function well."

While men are sometimes the victims of domestic violence, it is women with whom Mira works most often. Women, she believes, are generally more vulnerable because they are usually not as strong physically, and they have been socialized to be the family caretakers.

Counseling is one of the many tools Mira uses to try to help victims. For example, she coached one woman who was dealing with her husband's jealousy by telling her: "You don't need to be a doormat. If your consider yourself a doormat, everybody stomps on you. You need to have pride in yourself. You're a good mom and you take care of your son. That doesn't mean you're a bad wife. He is giving you that label and you are taking it to heart."

She stresses that women have to stand up for themselves. "I tell them that they need to have some power. I remind them that they are human beings. They have to learn to say 'No! You can't do that to me!' "

Most of Mira's patients come to her through the legal system. Often they are initially reluctant because, in their view, they are not "crazy." Why should they see a psychiatrist? In Mira's experience, however, many of these patients benefit from medication.

"When you are depressed and your brain is not functioning normally," she says, "it's impossible to make headway, to understand the cycle of violence, to build self-esteem. Medication can do wonders. When you're happier and sleeping well, you can concentrate more and be more receptive to treatment."

Mira works with social workers, the police, crisis teams, and, occasionally, the courts. She also receives medical referrals for victims of domestic violence. She says she is pleased to see more medical doctors becoming "savvy" about domestic violence because working together in the system is important.

"When I look at the domestic violence system as a whole, I see two significant ways to improve our effectiveness," she says. "First, everybody needs to respect the other fields and educate each other on what we can do in our various arenas. The different groups also need to meet each other and have regular meetings to improve the way we work together. For example, patrol officers have a particularly important role to play. I think they need to know what domestic violence is, and then work directly with victim's advocates who can teach them to be effective with victims. Just handcuffing and taking away the offender is not the right way. Officers have to talk to both the victim and the offender and be able to communicate with both parties before they take action.

"Second is education for the victims and perpetrators. We must help them see that their situation is not just a quirk. It is part of a pattern, something that probably started with an argument and has escalated over time into serious domestic violence."

Mira believes that children in today's society are particularly vulnerable to violence. "I think children should be taught in school about what is right and wrong. They need to know they don't have to be a doormat. They need to learn how to solve problems without violence. They need to learn how to have healthy relationships in which no one is beaten down. Young girls in particular need to know that the housewife role is no longer an exclusive role for women. I see women who have been in an abusive relationship since they were young women, and now they have six kids. They have been living in the dark ages for the past ten years without growing or learning any skills to enable them to succeed on their own."

To effectively reach children, Mira says, we must start early. "I recently read that between 1991 and 1996, teenage violence increased by 20 percent," he says. "We need education at an early stage, at age three to five, not at 16 or 17. By then it's too late. They just don't care."

"Karen"
Women's Shelter Worker

"The phrase 'domestic dispute' infuriates me," says Karen, a counselor for victims of domestic violence. "You see it in the paper, you see it in reports: 'So-and-so was shot during a domestic dispute.' Let me tell you, a woman with a gun pointed at her head is not in some dispute. Arguing about who should be president is a dispute, but getting shot is violence."

Karen has worked with victims of domestic violence for more than 15 years, primarily at a Phoenix women's shelter. Most shelters provide a safe place for women and their children. Many also offer other services such as case management, residential counseling, outpatient counseling, job placement, school intervention programs, and housing assistance.

"I wanted to work with women because I have been there and have been through the healing process," says Karen who, herself, was battered as a young wife. "I thought my experience would give me some good insight. I mean, no two people feel things the same way, but I know what it's like to burn my fingers, so I can empathize with somebody else's pain."

Karen says her reward is watching women grow. "They have no confidence when they arrive. I love it when they realize they have positive choices, that they can get their GEDs, their first real jobs, their first real homes. We have an empowerment model here, so we don't tell them what to do; we simply explain their choices and the likely consequences of each. Sometimes they choose to return to a bad situation, and all we can say is 'If you go back, you may die.'"

The job can be emotionally draining. "It is incredibly hard to sit all day and listen to people talk about the horrific violence that has been perpetrated on them or their children. It is wrenching to listen to kids talk about hiding in the closet while daddy beat up mommy. It is terrible to see them walk back into a potentially deadly relationship. I've gotten to the point where, if I see a woman with a broken leg, I automatically think, 'I wonder who did that to her?' instead of, 'Gee, I wonder if she fell on the ski slopes?'"

One problem, says Karen, is that domestic violence has not been taken seriously enough. "People need to know that women are dying from this. Here at the shelter, we have plaques on the wall for all the women we've worked with who have died." She shakes her head sadly. "I've known far too many of them," she says, "far too many."

But domestic violence is not just about physical abuse. "One of the biggest misconceptions is that people think you have to be beaten to come to the shelter. That's not true. Domestic violence is actually about control. It is a belief that says 'I have the right to control you. I have the right to dictate what you wear, who you talk to, where you go, how many minutes you can be gone to get a pack of cigarettes. Domestic violence can be in the morning he says he wants fried chicken for dinner, but in the evening he throws the chicken against the wall and says, 'Where the hell is the spaghetti?' Domestic violence is when she doesn't know what is coming at her when."

At the shelter, Karen sees domestic violence in all its forms. "We may have a woman come in with a broken neck and a 'halo' brace screwed into her skull because her boyfriend threw her down a flight of stairs. Or we may have an elderly woman come in who's been married for 40 years and never been beaten, but she's been so completely dominated that she doesn't even know what she likes anymore. I mean, she can't tell you if she prefers vanilla or chocolate because her husband has always told her to eat strawberry."

Karen thinks the shelters work pretty well for the most part. The problem is money. "There just isn't enough space. We're full a lot. It is incredibly frustrating to work a shift and have seven different women with children call in, and you have to tell them to try again tomorrow, maybe there will be space. If it is a life threatening situation if a woman calls and says, 'He's drunk and going out for cigarettes. I need to be out of here before he gets back or he may kill me' we tell them to come in, we'll do something. But otherwise we give them a hot line number to call and see if anyone else has beds that day.

Not enough money is available for other services either, says Karen. "We don't have transportation. We can't call a cab and say, 'Go pick this woman up and get her here.' We have to tell the woman, 'Find a way.' If she flags down a city bus and says she's been accepted at a shelter, then the driver is supposed to call a supervisor and let her ride free to safety. But in the middle of the night and on weekends it can be tough to get a bus.

"I would also love it if we had the money to set up a place with phone and fax lines so cops could come in and get to know us, have a cup of coffee, write their reports. Then they would have a chance to meet the victims, get greater visibility in this area. "

Support for shelters seems to be growing, says Karen. "One of the best support systems for us is 911. It is awesome. We call and the police show up. That's great. The 911 operators are incredible. And some of the cops are terrific. But we still need education at all levels: police, hospitals, schools, courts, the offenders, and even the victims. We need to educate people on how to deal with domestic violence situations.

"For instance, most cops hate domestic violence calls, and I can't blame them. It's a job I wouldn't want to do. But when they walk into a home they need to be ready so they don't fall into the male bonding trap of the abuser saying, 'Hey aren't you in charge of your home well I am here, too.' And it would help if they knew what was happening from a victim's point of view, too. She may be bleeding, but she'll grab the cop by the arm and say, 'No, no, don't take him away,' because if she doesn't defend him, he'll come after her when he gets out. On the other hand, she may go off like a rocket, hiding behind the officer so she can safely call her husband all those names she's stored up through the years. Then she gets labeled as a hysterical female, which is like the batterer saying, 'Well, you see how she is. What can I do?'"

Hospital staff also need domestic violence training, says Karen. "Some hospitals have wonderful education for their staff, but others need to work on it. Staff need to remember not to question a woman in front of her abuser because she'll say, 'I tripped,' or, 'I fell,' rather than, 'He hit me.' They need to get the victim alone. Have her tell what happened in private. And if they don't believe it, ask again. Say, 'I don't know if you would get this kind of cut from that kind of injury.' It is important that women have a correct medical report when they go to court.

Karen feels the courts are improving in regard to recognizing domestic violence. "They are better at issuing orders of protection and providing security at court appearances. But one problem occurs when a woman goes to court to protect her children to get sole custody or supervised visits. She may have had threats of violence against herself or the kids, but the judge doesn't take her word for it. That really puts the kids at risk. We need to educate judges better about the dynamics of domestic violence.

Victims need more education about how the legal system works, she says. "A lot of victims have no access to any kind of legal advice. Their questions aren't just, 'If he's arrested, is he going to get out?' but also, 'How do I divorce him?' and, 'What about the custody stuff where do I go for help?' Also, victims don't understand the role of public defenders. They think, 'He doesn't care what my husband did to me.' They don't realize that it's the defense attorney's job to speak up for the offender. And they don't understand the prosecutor's jargon either. 'What is a felony? What is a misdemeanor? Why is this a class two felony?'

"We need more money for intervention with kids too," says Karen. "If not, we'll never solve this problem. Here at the shelter, we are seeing second and third generations of battered women. We are seeing adults who were here as kids. It's a little sad to realize there's not enough early intervention. If we can work with kids in the schools, we can teach them how to resolve a conflict without anybody getting hurt. We can teach them that violence is not okay, hurting people is not okay."

In contrast to her work with victims, Karen has also counseled offenders, leading group sessions in conjunction with a male therapist. "It worked well. They got both a guy's perspective and a woman's perspective in the sessions. I thought that was ideal." To her surprise, she enjoyed working with offenders. "It was a real challenge. It gave me a look at both sides. And I connected with the men even though they would sit around and say, 'Men are supposed to be in charge of women and everybody knows that,' I respected the fact that they had the guts to come into therapy. I guess I discovered they weren't all knuckle-draggers."

But what happens to offenders is one of the weakest links in the domestic violence system, says Karen. "Sometimes a guy will get arrested for beating up his wife, and two hours later he's banging on her door, ready to rock and roll all over again. Prosecution is luck of the draw. So there may be no consequence to his actions. One of the things I found out working with batterers is that until you tell them violence is not okay, they won't stop. I mean, we can give them eight weeks of "shake and bake" anger management, but that doesn't change underlying attitudes and motives. That takes at least a year. That takes money. But it is a very important process, and it can work. I've helped guys who have spent a weekend in jail and then voluntarily walked into therapy and said, 'I will never go through that experience again. You need to teach me what I need to know so this doesn't happen.' I know it can work.

"And when the perpetrators are ready for services, they don't need to be put on a waiting list," Karen says. "They don't need to call and get, 'Hi, I understand you finally want to stop being abusive to your wife and children. We'll have an opening for you in about three weeks.' They need it then. Don't put them off, because it is so important to treat the offender. We can work with a woman and get her to change her choice about going back to a perpetrator, but what does that mean? He'll probably go out and find himself another victim. We need to change that. Something's got to happen at a very fundamental level in this society that says violence in not okay."

"Tod"
Domestic Violence Offender Counselor

"If you count on the police alone to solve the domestic violence problem," says Tod, a counselor for domestic violence offenders. "you won't be very successful. And if you count on the court system alone, or the judges or the counselors alone, you won't be successful either. To create the most effective intervention, we need to all work together police, clergy, counselors, judges, teachers, and people in the neighborhoods."

With a Master's degree in social behavioral sciences, Tod has also been certified as a substance abuse counselor. Every week night, he leads group discussions for male misdemeanor domestic violence offenders who have been mandated by the court system to complete a 12-week treatment program. In his groups, he identifies three types of domestic abuse: psychological, physical, and sexual.

"Psychological abuse is the most common," he says. "A lot of people don't even see it as abuse. They think, 'No bruise, no blood, no harm, no foul.' I try to explain to them that psychological abuse is a problem. It can be more damaging than physical abuse."

But most offenders don't clearly understand what constitutes domestic violence, says Tod. "The average opinion of my clients is that a punch or an assault can lead to an arrest. They don't know that using certain profanity can get them arrested. And they don't know that if they damage their own property, disturb their neighbors by yelling, or use threats and intimidation during a domestic dispute, they can get arrested, too. It's on the books as disorderly conduct."

A number of factors can contribute to domestic violence, Tod says. "Power and control is of phenomenal importance in the offenders' relationships. They lack conflict resolution skills. And for a lot of them there is a payoff to domestic violence when they get abusive, they get their way."

Another factor is the poor parental role modeling that is carried from one generation to the next. "Some of the people I work with have horrendous parenting skills," he says. "They are weak on discipline. They use physical means to punish their children. They tell the children they're bad, which results in them internalizing shame."

Tod also cites a factor he calls the "legitimization of violence" by offenders. "When is it okay to respond with violence?" he asks. "If someone spits in your face, do you punch that person? A lot of our clients tend to legitimize violence in certain situations promiscuity of a partner is one of them. Where the average person might respond with sadness, some of my clients might use their fists."

All of Tod's counseling takes place in group sessions. "The groups are open-ended," he says, "meaning that the people can start and end their sessions on different weeks. I begin by having new members introduce themselves and talk about their incidents in front of the other group members to determine if they are taking responsibility for their actions. Mutual respect is real important. No one can attack another individual."

Most of his clients are uncomfortable coming into treatment, Tod says. "At first, they think some psychiatrist is going to mess with their heads and say, 'You are a bad person.' Once they understand we want to help, we want to stop the violence and abuse, then a lot of them warm up, and we even have people who continue with after-care because they like the group so much. It tends to be a safe environment where they can talk about their feelings and not get ridiculed."

At the start, says Tod, clients usually hold some resentment. "They say, 'I'm in here because of a screwed up system,' or 'I didn't do anything. It was just a love push.' They minimize the incident. They rationalize their behavior. Sometimes they say, 'I abused her because she pushed my buttons.' I teach them that no one pushes your buttons in life. When you respond to a situation, abusively or violently, you are pushing your own buttons. You make that choice, and you need to take responsibility."

One of the initial steps in treatment is to get offenders to admit that their abuse is a problem. "If they don't see violence as a problem," says Tod, "they're not going to do anything to change it. So getting them to see the consequences is critical. It can prevent homicide."

During the 12 weekly sessions, Tod presents a number of different topics. "We deal with things like masculinity, male and female socialization, and abuse. I talk about communication, boundaries, drug and alcohol abuse, stress management, and intimacy issues. We also try to make some cognitive behavioral changes. For example, we do an exercise where the offenders put themselves in the place of their victims. In another, we talk about someone using violence against their daughter, sister, or mother. I ask, 'How would you feel if you came home and one of them had a black eye?' Usually, it is not okay to them. 'So,' I say, 'if a black eye is not okay for your sister, why should it be okay for your partner?'"

Tod encourages his clients to face their "issues" instead of suppressing them. "If they are angry at the group, they need to express it. I want to teach them the difference between constructive and destructive expressions of anger. Yes, anger is a natural human emotion, but if you allow yourself to fly into a rage and act out of impulse, it can lead to abuse, and that can result in your arrest."

Many offenders try to deal with their past actions, says Tod. "A lot of them want to apologize, but that is something I don't advocate. An apology is going to make the offender feel better, and it's going to make the victim feel better, but it's just going to perpetuate the cycle of violence. What I ask these gentlemen to do," says Tod striking his desk, "is make a commitment. I want them to commit to not being violent. I understand that it is hard for them, but it must be done."

Tod believes the most effective intervention for domestic violence offenders is a combination of arrest and treatment. "A night in jail is a very strong deterrent," he says, "especially for the middle and upper classes. Jail followed with treatment is a really healthy thing."

But Tod wants improvements in the mechanics of intervention. "I have seen one offender charged with misdemeanor domestic violence for repeatedly punching his partner's head with a closed fist, while another offender has been nabbed for simply screaming. Both ended up in my groups. We need someone in the system to say, 'This over here is mild domestic violence and needs 12 weeks of counseling, while that over there is severe and needs a year-long program.' We should have a little more discretion in determining different degrees of domestic violence."

He wants victims to get better treatment, too. "I would like to see a mandatory order of protection activated on victims' behalf. I would also like to see them sent to victims' group counseling. It is very important. Our agency provides free victims' counseling, but it is not utilized enough."

Tod believes it is essential for everyone to understand that domestic violence is a community problem. "The public was educated about the dangers of drinking and driving, and that is no longer an accepted norm of social behavior. Now we need to educate the public about domestic violence. It's a problem just as dangerous."

To improve the counseling experience, Tod recommends that police provide more detail in their reports. "Police reports do a good job as far as testimony in court is concerned, but counselors need more information. For example, we want to know if the offender was under the influence of alcohol at the time of the arrest. We don't need a blood alcohol test, just tell us, 'Did you smell alcohol? Was the person intoxicated?' We need as much information as we can get."

Tod also wants people to understand who the offenders are. "A common feeling is that they are all hairy, anti-social Neanderthals," he says. "You would be surprised at the different types of people we see from across all socioeconomic backgrounds and cultures. Some of them are considered very health members of our community. So, not every offender is a terrible person. A lot of people learned this behavior through their families and environments. And many have been in violent relationships before this. They can unlearn their behaviors. They can change but only if they make the decision to do so." 

 

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